New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
