none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
