Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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