Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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