guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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