i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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