I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
