I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
