i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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