Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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