My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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