am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
