my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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