FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
