I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
