I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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