goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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