I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
