It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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