I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
