Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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