im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I accidentally burped into my bong.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
