i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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