If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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