Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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