Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
