I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
