I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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