they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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