**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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