so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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