I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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