Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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