You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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