Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
