The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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