My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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