i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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