She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
