Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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