I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
