Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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