Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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