So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
