Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
