If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
