What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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