so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
