I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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