If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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