I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
