yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
