i don't like sucking hair
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
