Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
