I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
PANTIES FOUND
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