I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
