i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm both gender and math confused
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
