Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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