so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
