i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
