Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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