Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
